Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize