life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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