2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
