I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
