Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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