I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
