stop calling my apartment porn island.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
