I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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