First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
