shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
