When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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