I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
