careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
