did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
