I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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