If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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