Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
