What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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