its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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