Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
