i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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