Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
