I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize