Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
