so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
