Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
