She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
