just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
