look no pants
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
