seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
where does the pee come out of this thing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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