I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I want a musical about memes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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