you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
