you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
