God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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