margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
