I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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