So drunk its hurt
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're too hungover to prance.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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