FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
