this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I smell like Dick and happiness
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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