It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
either way he was missing a nipple.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize