sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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