Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize