when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
