i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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