HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
