Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
