what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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