Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
