I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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