Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This house was built for laser tag.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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