This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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