Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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