I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
