It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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