Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
