First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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