Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
