so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
