You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
