i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
