Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
