Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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