I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
