Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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