i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
