New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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