his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
