Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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