So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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