YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Even my vagina gasped.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
