so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
