How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize