By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
