Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
