you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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