My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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