How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
