my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
